Choices...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 by Amy
...my backside. Riley had skating today. The mother of the "problem child" in school was there. I just really get sick of her justifying and even finding ways to praise her daughter's behavior. I mean, seriously? For some reason we got on the topic of choices. I'm fairly certain it wasn't my choice (ha, ha, get the pun?).
Another mother and I were talking about picking our battles, and sometimes giving choices but sometimes they just need to eat their broccoli and not argue about it. The problem mother said, "I just ask K if she wants carrots or broccoli, and if she chooses carrots, then I won't have a battle, because that's what she chose." Seriously? What am I, a short-order cook? Why would I offer the girls carrots when we're having broccoli for dinner? Really? People do that (people who aren't push-overs, that is)?? I ask them what they want for breakfast, and they have significant say at lunch, but I am not making all four of us four different dinners. You gotta be out of yo mind!
Then, this is what baffles me more than anything, she said that she started giving K choices at the age of 5 months. Five months! She said she would feed her and offer her two spoons to choose from, and then two foods, etc. That is just nuts! Why? WHY would a person do that?
I think that humans in general have an over-inflated sense of self, and self-determination. I'd wager that 90% of the time, we don't have real choices. Sure I can choose not to feed and bathe my kids, but if the alternative is having CPS take them away, that's not a real choice, is it? And even the choices that we do have are really insignificant in the grand scheme of things. If I chose to wear a purple mohawk, so what? How does that change anything? Whatever...
I give the girls choices when I can. They obviously chose their clothes and hair styles, if you haven't noticed ;). They can chose between water and milk at dinner. But I'm not going to offer choices just for the sake of offering a choice, or bend over backwards to offer a choice when there is none to be made.
Let's not confuse choice with natural consequences. I am a huge believer in natural consequences, within the bounds of common sense. Rudi thinks I'm crazy, but I illustrated it right in front of his eyes, and he saw it work. Avery didn't want to put a coat on in spite of it being freezing cold outside. I said okay, Rudi freaked out that I'm her mom and should make her put on her coat. Before he was done freaking out, Avery had gone outside and come back in for her coat. After Rudi was done lecturing, I calmly said "Did you notice that Avery is wearing her coat?" Obviously, I am not going to resort to natural consequences when the girls are too young to understand the consequences. Brushing teeth is a must. They are too young to understand what happens if you don't. Stuff like that. You know, natural consequences not lifelong consequences.
Riley and Avery have totally different approaches to school. It's so funny. Riley tries to avoid doing academic work and tries to stay away from the teachers and busy with other stuff. The other day, she said to Avery "I try to stay away from Ms. Laura, and you should too. She always tries to trap me into a work!" and Avery responds "I prefer to get my cards (they have reading and math cards to track what they need to do to move on to the next card) done first thing so I can do what I want afterward." Riley thought she was nuts LOL!
Speaking of work, Avery just realized that girls can grow up to be something other than mothers. Geez. She was quite shocked (where did this kid come from?). Then she decided that she wanted to be an artist so that she can do her work at home and still be a mommy. On the way to the zoo on Saturday, the girls were discussing what they wanted to be when they grow up. Avery asked Riley if bakers can be girls, and Riley said yes. Avery then said that she didn't know if she wanted to be a mom or a baker. Riley said "You can be both, because being a mom isn't really a job." I think I darn near swerved off the road!
Oh, yeah, I'll have to post zoo pictures and some skating pictures...
Another mother and I were talking about picking our battles, and sometimes giving choices but sometimes they just need to eat their broccoli and not argue about it. The problem mother said, "I just ask K if she wants carrots or broccoli, and if she chooses carrots, then I won't have a battle, because that's what she chose." Seriously? What am I, a short-order cook? Why would I offer the girls carrots when we're having broccoli for dinner? Really? People do that (people who aren't push-overs, that is)?? I ask them what they want for breakfast, and they have significant say at lunch, but I am not making all four of us four different dinners. You gotta be out of yo mind!
Then, this is what baffles me more than anything, she said that she started giving K choices at the age of 5 months. Five months! She said she would feed her and offer her two spoons to choose from, and then two foods, etc. That is just nuts! Why? WHY would a person do that?
I think that humans in general have an over-inflated sense of self, and self-determination. I'd wager that 90% of the time, we don't have real choices. Sure I can choose not to feed and bathe my kids, but if the alternative is having CPS take them away, that's not a real choice, is it? And even the choices that we do have are really insignificant in the grand scheme of things. If I chose to wear a purple mohawk, so what? How does that change anything? Whatever...
I give the girls choices when I can. They obviously chose their clothes and hair styles, if you haven't noticed ;). They can chose between water and milk at dinner. But I'm not going to offer choices just for the sake of offering a choice, or bend over backwards to offer a choice when there is none to be made.
Let's not confuse choice with natural consequences. I am a huge believer in natural consequences, within the bounds of common sense. Rudi thinks I'm crazy, but I illustrated it right in front of his eyes, and he saw it work. Avery didn't want to put a coat on in spite of it being freezing cold outside. I said okay, Rudi freaked out that I'm her mom and should make her put on her coat. Before he was done freaking out, Avery had gone outside and come back in for her coat. After Rudi was done lecturing, I calmly said "Did you notice that Avery is wearing her coat?" Obviously, I am not going to resort to natural consequences when the girls are too young to understand the consequences. Brushing teeth is a must. They are too young to understand what happens if you don't. Stuff like that. You know, natural consequences not lifelong consequences.
Riley and Avery have totally different approaches to school. It's so funny. Riley tries to avoid doing academic work and tries to stay away from the teachers and busy with other stuff. The other day, she said to Avery "I try to stay away from Ms. Laura, and you should too. She always tries to trap me into a work!" and Avery responds "I prefer to get my cards (they have reading and math cards to track what they need to do to move on to the next card) done first thing so I can do what I want afterward." Riley thought she was nuts LOL!
Speaking of work, Avery just realized that girls can grow up to be something other than mothers. Geez. She was quite shocked (where did this kid come from?). Then she decided that she wanted to be an artist so that she can do her work at home and still be a mommy. On the way to the zoo on Saturday, the girls were discussing what they wanted to be when they grow up. Avery asked Riley if bakers can be girls, and Riley said yes. Avery then said that she didn't know if she wanted to be a mom or a baker. Riley said "You can be both, because being a mom isn't really a job." I think I darn near swerved off the road!
Oh, yeah, I'll have to post zoo pictures and some skating pictures...
