Riley and Avery

So, not even 8am on the day we got his VA disability direct-deposited, Rudi is already pouting over our new budget restrictions. I mean, we're cutting $850 our of our monthly budget because his unemployment benefits are used up, what does he expect? And in all of this we still have to make room for birthday and Christmas presents. He said he wanted to go out and get some cash so while I'm with the girls at Riley's school's Halloween party, he can go out. I just asked where he was going so I could tell him his spending limits for the month (he can spend a certain small amount on books, we have a certain amount for entertainment and a certain amount for his cigars, etc.) Now he's all pouty. Usually for him, he goes out on the first, stops somewhere for over-priced bagels which he shouldn't be eating anyway, buys a few books, buys $50 worth of cigars that last him four days, etc. We can't afford that now. I seriously marvel at his complete lack of understanding over where money comes from, and how it's spent. He has no idea how much money we need to live for the entire month and lacks the planning to ensure that we are able to EAT by the second week of the month. He thinks that if we have a certain amount in the bank, that amount is available for spending, regardless of what expenses we have coming up that we need that money for etc.

Oh, and Rudi lives in constant fear that we are being evicted even though we have paid our rent in full on time every single month and have never had a complaint. If the property manager walks around the property while he's sitting out smoking and he perceives that she gave him a dirty eye (the woman is nice, Rudi is nuts) he starts talking about how we need to find another place to live because we are being evicted. And we had a lease renewal notice on our door yesterday afternoon (right after the manager walked around and oh my god, had the temerity to write our door number on her clipboard, oh my god we're being evicted) so I'm pretty sure we're good. Living with a constantly paranoid person is not easy. At all. And not good for our electric bill since all perimeter lights must be on at all times, even in the bright light of day. I swear, I need to talk to this VA "doctor" and tell her all this.

Gah. Just a vent, otherwise I'll go all Tonya Harding on Rudi instead.

...or "punk-min" as Avery says. The girls had a lot of fun helping with the pumpkin. They actually stuck around while I carved it, which is an improvement over previous years when I am left to carve it by myself after they become bored. I chose a simple design this year in order to better hold their interest. Fun times all around. Of course, we roasted the seeds and Riley loves them.

So, I got a confession out of Riley. I asked her "Hey, Riley, which hand did you use when you were taking your test?" and she said "this one" and held up her left hand. That's as far as I went with it because I didn't want to give the issue too much attention. So yeah, homegirl was goofing around. Gah. There's a lot of money down the toilet.

We visited Globe Charter School today. I really liked it and so did Riley. Rudi not so much, but I don't agree with his reasoning. He didn't like that it was so "intimate" meaning that it is a very large space with dividers up between classes. He thought that children should feel school pride and that isn't possible with partitions between classes. My argument was that yes, it doesn't have the institutional feel of a concrete walled school, but Riley would have a great educational opportunity, I think. I mean, seriously, there are just over 100 students total in K through 8th grade. What kind of building does he expect? I'm perfectly fine with it. The classes are so very small and the lady who was showing us around said that all of the elementary grades are on the same schedule (doing math at the same time, doing reading at the same time, etc.) so it's really easy to move a child to higher grades for certain subjects if need be. She also said that because they are a charter school they don't have to adhere to the same strict rules regarding grade advancement that other public schools do. I just like the fact that Riley will be one of 23 kindergarteners (in two classes) and will be in a small enough population to be really individual, etc. Going from an intimate Montessori setting to a "regular" school will be hard enough without 500 kids at a new school. It would be totally different if Riley had had preschool experience at one of those larger schools, but as it is I think she would be very overwhelmed. And she is rather adept at flying under the radar, so I would feel better if she were in a smaller school. So I told Rudi that we will go for Kindergarten and re-evaluate at the end of that year, and then continue with the rest of elementary if we're pleased with it. Then at the end of elementary we'll see if she wants to go to a bigger middle school (we're thinking about the availability of sports clubs, science clubs, and such that may be more easily available at larger schools) or if she wants to stay at Globe through 8th grade. So I think our decision is made. Globe next year for Kindergarten. It feels nice to finally have made a decision.

Now to break the news to Golden Mountain. I really love that school, it just won't work for us any more. No one can really expect me to drive 2 hours every day (30 mins there and 30 mins back, and 30 mins to pick her up and 30 mins back) can they? That's all I'll say. I just can't do the drive any more. And Avery really flourishes at home when Riley is at school, so I think I may do more of a homeschool preschool with her and wait for Kindergarten. Or if worse comes to worse, I can send her for one year of preschool. I have a pretty good stock of Montessori materials I can use for her at home. And I'm just not ready to send my littlest baby to school. Call me selfish...

So, we are weaning Riley off of her meds. She started having freaky side-effects. Outbursts of defiance and violence. Depression (yup, in a 4yo). She would curl into a ball and say that she is afraid that Mommy and Daddy don't love her and that we'll throw her in the dumpster while crying that heart-wrenching cry. And she'd say that she only had bad thoughts and bad dreams and just can't have good thoughts. She didn't want to play with her friends or ride her beloved two-wheeler. So we called her doc and are now in the weaning mode. Sweet. She doesn't need it anymore anyway.

Riley is starting to really write words now. Just today she wrote October (which she spelled correctly), turtle (trdl), cart (crt), cow (cao), and cat. She is spelling phonetically, so vowels are usually left out unless they're really obvious. She's doing this all on her own. Strangely enough, she is really only interested in writing (very interested) but she finds reading dull. She did read four B.O.B books, but really resisted. She sounded the words out just perfectly, but didn't seem to be enjoying it, so when I suggested that we stop, she said that she wanted to continue. I think the only reason she forced herself to do it was because I said that reading and writing go hand-in-hand. I don't really think that she believed me. Or maybe she thought it would please me. I didn't please me at all. I don't want her doing it if she doesn't enjoy it. I don't think I'll bring out the B.O.B books for a while unless she asks. Geez.

I had a rather complex conversation with Riley (against my will). She was watching a show about the end of the universe on National Geographic. I wasn't really watching it because outer space is Rudi's territory. She ran to me and said that we are the only galaxy. I told her that there are many many galaxies in our universe. She told me that the show said that there was only one. Well, she watched the show again (she can't get enough of certain topics) and came to me and said that the galaxies that we see are only reflections and that reflections don't exist, therefore we're the only one. Ah, flawed logic. I suppose they were talking about the reflector lens on a telescope and I had to explain to her that reflections themselves don't exist, but the object they are reflecting do exist. Like Riley in the mirror is not real, but the Riley it's reflecting is real. Oh, so complicated. Oh yeah, she also said "The universe is not going to explode. It's just going to get really hot and really dark. So you're going to have to learn to deal with it, Mom. You're just gonna have to stand the coldness." She knows I hate the cold. Funny girl.

We went for the coffin races in Manitou Springs today. It was honestly the most free fun we've had in a long time. Rudi didn't go last year because he was working (imagine that!) but he really had a lot of fun. Usually fun for Rudi involves spending money, but he really had a blast, which made me happy. Riley and Avery also had a great time, collecting leaves and sticks and running around like feral animals. We did buy coffee and drinks for the girls, but that was it. Not too shabby. Oh man, and the weather was fabulous today. I seriously couldn't have asked for more. Sunny, warm, just perfect. It got windy at times and the girls briefly wore jackets, but that didn't last long.

I think we're planning on staying in tomorrow. Money is tight tight tight and the house is in need of attention, as is my homework. Perhaps I can get Rudi to take the girls somewhere free while I clean. It works so much better that way.

So I made an appointment for Tuesday the 28th to go over Riley's results with the psychologist. When I spoke with her today, she said "Oh, I believe I just got her results back, I just haven't gone over them yet" as if it were perfectly natural. I'm like "look at them now and tell me!" but thought I should retain my decorum and just wait. Ugh. I hate waiting.

Gotta run so I'm on time for school. Just thought I'd throw an update out there.

Today,we went to the Pumpkin Festival that was held at the nursery school that had all their pumpkins stolen twice. It was a lot of fun. Basically, we got there and immediately went to wait in line for Riley to get her face painted. We waited for about an hour. One of Riley's teachers, Ms. Meredith, was doing the face painting. That was a nice surprise. The whole time we were waiting in line, Avery harassed me for a drink and an apple. Mostly I waited in line while the girls played. Finally we got to the Whole Foods stand and got free apples for the girls. We missed a lot while we were in the face painting line. Hundreds of pumpkins were scattered about, free for the taking, but they were all gone by the time we got out of line. The girls were okay with that. They each picked out a free muffin from the bake "sale" table. We also missed the free bags that Whole Foods had been giving away. They were their $12 bags, but oh well. The playground at the school is beyond phenomenal. I was hoping the picture of Riley with her cheetah face would show the color of her eyes, but no. Oh well.

As soon as we got home, Riley completed her face painting by coloring the rest of her body. I declined the invitation to color on her back. Now, several hours after we got back from the festival, she's an unholy mess. Her face painting is heavily smudged. Bathtime tonight!

It was also unusually hot today. I dressed the girls and I fairly warmly and we all were over-hot. The changes in the weather are causing Riley to cough. Warm, cold, warm, cold. It drives me crazy, for sure. I never know how to dress the children.

So, Riley asked me if teeth were bones, and I told her that they were very close. Riley said "I really really need to see some people bones. Do we ever get to see people's bones?" I said no, not unless there's an accident. Riley says "Well, I really need to see what's inside people's bodies. I just really need to see." So, she'll either be a surgeon or an axe murderer. The jury's still out on that one.

We had an appointment with Riley's play therapist on Friday, and Riley was released from her care. She no longer shows any signs whatsoever of anxiety. She had Riley using the dollhouse families to determine if she had any underlying problems. She has an asian family, a latino family, a white family, and a black family. She said that 99% of the time the child uses the family that matches their own race. She said that Riley totally mixed the ethnicities in her family and thought nothing of it. She thought that was really cool.

On the way home from the play therapist, we almost got in a car accident. Riley was in the back seat freaking out, saying that her neck hurt because of the car seat harness, and saying that we almost died. After the minor accident over a year ago that started this whole snowball-ride descent into anxiety hell, it would be my luck to have the therapist say that Riley is over her anxiety, and then get in another accident on the way home from the therapist. It would be very reminiscent of the time I saved for months to replace the engine in my first car, only to have it totaled at an intersection exactly one mile from the mechanic. But I think Riley is over it. After all, it was a near accident, not an accident.

Hmmm, I think that's enough for now. The afore-mentioned bathtime is nigh.

Riley at her field trip.

Riley and the raw chicken egg that she found buried in the school sandbox. This was quite a find and erased the field-trip fiasco.

Riley and Avery being nice to each other (for once).

Avery at the field trip. All she wanted me to do was take pictures of her.

Another of Avery.

Riley using her sense of hearing on the trail on her field trip.

Riley had a field trip today to Starsmore Discovery Center. Field trips are always stressful, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way and the more I think about it, the madder I get. The class was broken up into two groups and there was an employee leading each group as they learned about animal senses. Each group had perhaps 8 to 10 kids. So we start off in the visitor center and the lady is asking the children what their senses are. Riley is sitting right up front raising her hand. The kids answer seeing, smelling, touching, hearing, and Riley is still sitting up front patiently raising her hand. She lady is looking for someone to answer tasting, and looks at Riley raising her hand, and instead calls on kids that aren't raising their hands. They offer the same seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and the woman keeps calling on more kids and totally ignores Riley. She looked disappointed, but not too upset.

Later, they go to different stations in the woods, and they learn about a bear's sense of smell, a deer's sense of hearing, an owls sense of sight, a raccoon's sense of touch, etc. Every time Riley got a spot up front right in front of the lady and raised her hand for every single question, and every single time the woman looked at her and called on someone else. By the end of the field trip she was in tears. She didn't get called on one single time. If the women hadn't been an old lady looking for a way to spend her retirement, she would have gotten a serious piece of my mind. I think I'll talk to the director about it. It just wasn't right. And we wonder why girls don't like to show their smarts. I know that aggressive boys get most of the attention in school, but seriously? In pre-school already?

You know, private school or public school, it's all the same. Girls eventually just melt into the woodwork. Whatever. I was hesitant about this test for Riley, and now I say bring it on. That is, if the damage hasn't already been done. Seriously, she already pretends that she doesn't know things. Her school has been working with her on the same 6 letters for the third year now. She knows them! She was spelling words with those 6 letters plus another 5 I threw in and writing them down at home. Whatever the results of the test, I'll know how to advocate for her better (hopefully).

Ugh, and I wish I could say that I were any different, but I'm not. When I'm in class I don't speak up either. I must have been having a particularly sheepish day yesterday, and whenever the professor would ask something, I would say the correct answer loud enough for the people around me to hear, but not loud enough for the teacher. So I guess that realization on top of the field trip experience has really got my knickers in a bunch.

Riley's brain, at the ripe old age of 4, is on the verge of being wasted. Already.

I'm still seething...

I'll post pictures later. I'm so mad that I don't want to pretty this post up with pictures.

Wow, so many posts today. Anyway, here's Riley's witch costume. It still needs a belt. I'm not sure if we still have last year's belt, and the belt that came with the pattern is not one that I can do. It involves eyelets, and that's just not gonna happen. I'll see if I can find a cheap belt buckle at Joann's and just do a belt that ties in the back. Or maybe velcro. Who knows. But Riley is not willing to let the belt slide, so I'd better think of something...I have enough of the orange spider web fabric left over from the skirt, so at least I won't have to buy fabric.

Oh, yeah, the testing lady called back last night and we scheduled Riley's testing from 1-3pm on Wednesday the 22nd. She said that the testing can probably be done under two hours. If not, we'll make another appointment and if Riley poops out before the test is done, we can finish at a later time. I hate tests...

So, Avery's costume is done. Yes, that's 9 whole yards of tulle around her little waist. The size 2 skirt did turn out to be big, so I cinched it in more. It also turned out to be too long. I shortened it as much as the pattern would allow, and it just touches the floor. Perhaps with shoes on it won't drag too much. I did have to pull it up a lot. She'll be able to fit this skirt for years to come, if she wants. I didn't fully enclose the elastic in the waist, so it can be taken out easily and made bigger. All I have to do is put a hook and eye on to close the vest. Although she did put me on notice that she wants a blue princess hat. I'm pretty sure she's thinking of the damsel hats that she saw at the Renaissance festival. I'll have to figure that one out. Riley's costume came with a pattern for a witch had and I think I'll use that as a springboard for Avery's hat, just leave off the brim. Hmmm....I'll probably go through my quilting fabric and see if I have enough of any one blue fabric to make the hat. Of course, I'll have to buy interfacing, but I think that's cheap. Since Rudi's unemployment is up, we have entered into some leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean times.

By the way, Avery's "princess smile" involved laying her head on her shoulder, apparently. Good thing she isn't really a princess, I'd imagine she'd have a terrible crick in her neck.

By bountiful, I mean two. One ripe and one semi-ripe. We have a few green ones left on the plant but we are supposed to get frost tonight, so I though it best to get the two that were passably ripe. Both girls picked one, ate one, and spit one out. They've never been tomato girls. There was one red raspberry on one of our berry bushes that Riley ate and liked. We aren't really supposed to get berries this year, maybe next, so one berry is not a disappointment. Next year, however, we will be getting tomato starters. There is just no time in Colorado to grow tomatoes from seed.

So, Riley had her appointment with the testing psychologist today. She was a nice lady, but not quite like the play therapist. Riley sat and drew while we talked. The psychologist said that Riley was really precocious in her drawings. She decided that Riley does need to be tested, so now we just have to wait for her assistant to call us back and schedule the appointment. Her assistant does the testing. It will be a standard pre-schooler IQ test. I wish there were an alternative, but there just isn't. She said that the test takes 2 to 3 hours, so they break it up into two or three sessions. Testing a four-year-old for giftedness just seems silly to me, but if that's the path I have to take to determine where she needs to be next year, then so be it. I'm starting to question whether Montessori is the right path for Riley. Don't get me wrong, no one is a bigger fan of Montessori than I am, I'm just not sure it's the right fit for Riley.

So, I'm looking into graduate school at UCCS for elementary education. It looks doable. I have enough VA benefits remaining to carry me through the program. They offer summer courses in education, so I can speed it up by taking summer classes. Incidentally, I found my teaching portfolio in a box upstairs and looked through it. I guess I do miss teaching. Just not the 7th graders. I can do without them. But I think this is the right decision. But it's making suffering through Business Organizations and Civil Litigation nearly impossible. Hopefully, this will all be decided soon. I think I'll make a trip up to the campus this week, preferably while Riley is in school to get things jump-started.

The girls and I are going to a performance at the philharmonic on Sunday. It supposed to be a family presentation, entitled "Classic Fairy Tales." We'll see. I have to go to a cultural event for my humanities class, so it was bound to happen. I swear, if either of the girls want to take ballet classes after this, I'll submit the bill to my humanities teacher.

There's a pumpkin festival on Saturday that we are going to try to squeeze in this weekend. There is a cooperative nursery school here and the children have been busy all year growing pumpkins from the seeds of last year's pumpkins in their garden and the day before they were to harvest them, they all got stolen. The community came together to donate pumpkins, but they were stolen again, along with the irrigation system for watering them. So now truck-loads of pumpkins are rolling into the school. Whole Foods is replacing the irrigation system for them, donating more pumpkins, and posting a security guard at the school every night until Halloween. Now, I'm no big fan of Whole Foods. In fact, I rather resent their shinning organic palace available only to the upper echelons of society, their aggressive corporate business practices that push smaller businesses out of business in a manner akin to that of Walmart. But what they are doing for this school is awesome. Now local businesses are donating baked goods for a bake sale to raise money for the school and teach the kids about community. So it looks like we have a free activity to go to. Sweet.

I'm going to run because dinner needs attention...

Hmmm...I think I'm changing my mind. Actually, I think I changed my mind about mid-summer when I realized that if I go to work as a paralegal, I will miss every day of the summers with the girls. I had a panic attack while laying in bed when I belatedly came to this realization. I will get two weeks of vacation per year, and Rudi and I will probably argue about where to spend it. I will probably be able to go back to Maryland once every few years. So...

I'm seriously, very seriously, considering going back for elementary education and being a teacher...again. Not secondary education, that sucked. I think I'd enjoy working with younger children. I'd have summers off. In reality, I would make about as much as I would as a paralegal (especially considering that teachers work 9.5 months per year versus the 12 months that paralegals work). I could still go to Maryland, and other places too, every summer. I think that this is the best option for our family.

Just throwing it out there for opinions. I still have a lot of research and such to do, but I think if it all works out, I'll go for it.